Ive been called a lair, non trusting person almost every judgemental words or hatred words  you can think of, it proved to me tonight that in joe's eyes im worth nothing....because he thinks that i want to stay home so that i can talk to nicholas......so what ive been talking to him its my life and not joes, tears cant take away the pain that has been ripping through me....somedays i have to pretend that im happy just so that i can put on a smile, and everyday im starting to hate my life more and more and i just cant take it....some people cant understand what im going through and why i feel this way......and  the last time  i hung out with my friends was on halloween......and its almost summer.....sad isnt.....i cant hardly talk to my friends because joe thinks that im talking to nicholas.......sorry for putting all my problems on here but this is the only place i can let loose!!! I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO TAKE IT AWAY!!!!!!

this was mainly related on one guy i fell hard for and now is not part of my life.

“Grateful I Was”

I was grateful for the days I was with you, but were you grateful or at least happy that you were with me, because we created great memories between us and again we probably created some bad memories between us. But I still think about us at times but I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I needed you to tell me that you need me more than anything in the world. But I guess I didn’t mean a lot to you. If you wanted to see me suffer the pain and the heartache that bad so that you didn’t have to suffer it. You don’t know how long I cried for or how long I kept saying your name every time I spoke. I still can’t stop saying your name and I hear your name everywhere. Somehow your name is burned in my mind. I know you told me many times that you wanted me back in your life but than after you tell me that I don’t hear from you till you wanted some thing or you really did want to talk to me.  You do remind me of that song hot and cold.  I don’t know if you really want me or if you’re playing with my emotions. Now that sucks because once you say something I excepted you to be true with your words  and emotions, but then when I ask you again you changed your mind, you’re a stupid light switch and someone is playing with it. So I don’t know how to react to every time you change your mind. This is why I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t know what to do with you. I keep asking myself do I want to keep you in my heart or should I let you go and try to fine someone else to love or at least try. But every time I do I’m afraid and I fall back to you. Some people have told me that we’re met to be together, but there’s something there blocking us and we can’t get through. I have mixed emotions for you and I’ll always will no matter what. I don’t know what your feelings are anymore because you always change your mind or your heart is telling you something different. Now I don’t know what to do anymore, because I want to be with you but my heart keep saying that “no he’s going to hurt you again just find someone else” but once I start liking someone I put up my guard.  Because I keep thinking that one day we’ll be together and that. I guess that it’s just my dream and it won’t come true. In our relationship I was always grateful to see you or hear your voice. When we were together I loved hearing your voice before I go to sleep, somehow hearing your voice makes me more relaxed. But I don’t know anymore, we had a great time together, and I wished it lasted longer instead of couple of time seeing each other after we broke up. Your emotions are so hard to read. And I can’t take it. Grateful I was to you and our relationship, I didn’t want to believe that you broke my heart, I didn’t want to believe everything between was over.  I suppose this is for the better.  

I guess we’ll have to see what the future holds for us.

By: Lola

Well this is something that i wrote its call Called These Green Eyes. i hope u like it

These Green Eyes

By: Lola

Through these green eyes that held a past, present and future worlds. These green eyes hold the most valuable things. These green eyes seen many things and witnessed to many things. There green eyes once saw love in the future, now these green eyes see nothing but hopeless meanings. These green eyes once saw happiness and still do but these green eyes block out the happiness, the love with sadness, hatred and loneliness. Maybe these green eyes well once again see love and happiness in the present and future instead of all the loneliness, sadness and hatred toward the future. If starring into these green eyes you’ll think you’ll see what’s going on in the life of the owner of these beautiful green eyes, well you’re wrong. These green eyes would block out the bad and pretend to show the happiness. Once starring in these green eyes you may be frozen in place and start to think you love these green eyes. But green eyes may look pretty but they can hold something that you will never find out in life. These green eyes shredded so many tears of broken hearted, the pain and hatred toward people that looks into them. I always wonder what these green eyes will see in future or for more the present. But these green eyes are waiting for something wonderful to witness. But if not, well these green eyes will keep seeing the loneliness or at least pretend to the happiness in the life.

thanks for reading

Love ya peeps

Lola

so well.... my life in going in a deep dark hole

and some how cant find a way back out of that dark hole

its sucking all the happiness away

i have to pretend to be happy

tonight joe ( step-dad) has completely ruined my life

he thinks the worst of me and thinks i'm always doing something wrong

but i cant wait till have enough money to move out and live on my own not have to

please the step-dad of pretending to be a good little that he wishes to see me as

hahaha thats never going to happen plus he doesnt have kids of his own so he doesnt know how to handle

a teenager!!!

man i'm hating life right now!!!!

well thanks for reading

Lola